It's all downhill from here...
There’s this town Las Cruces in New Mexico that’s pretty unremarkable (sorry, if you’re from there) but they do have an Applebee’s (gross). I’ve stayed in this town too many times to count because I keep driving cross country like it’s a sport. Once I took a road trip with a girl friend and we tried to check into a hotel but the creeper clerk offered his couch instead. We said no (Obviously. I’m still alive to type this). This time no one offered his couch and that sort of bummed me out as did this margarita that tasted like Country Time lemonade spiked with tequila. That’s a good drink when you’re 8 and you’ve opened a lemonade stand, but not when you’re an adult stranded at an Applebee’s.

There’s this town Las Cruces in New Mexico that’s pretty unremarkable (sorry, if you’re from there) but they do have an Applebee’s (gross). I’ve stayed in this town too many times to count because I keep driving cross country like it’s a sport. Once I took a road trip with a girl friend and we tried to check into a hotel but the creeper clerk offered his couch instead. We said no (Obviously. I’m still alive to type this). This time no one offered his couch and that sort of bummed me out as did this margarita that tasted like Country Time lemonade spiked with tequila. That’s a good drink when you’re 8 and you’ve opened a lemonade stand, but not when you’re an adult stranded at an Applebee’s.

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2nd Jan 2012 | Nº 3
To drive from Los Angeles to Marfa to Houston to Austin to random towns in between one must consume lots of chips, salsa and beer.

To drive from Los Angeles to Marfa to Houston to Austin to random towns in between one must consume lots of chips, salsa and beer.

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31st Dec 2011 | Nº 7
This year I resolve to run more and booze less. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAlolololololoHAHAHA. Happy New Year!

This year I resolve to run more and booze less. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAlolololololoHAHAHA.

Happy New Year!

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30th Dec 2011 | Nº 4
The bartender bragged about his ability to make a whiskey sour and I stifled my snobby comments. But seriously, you’re a bartender. That’s like a cop saying, “I can give speeding tickets.” That’s like a nurse saying, “I can take your blood pressure.” That’s like a banker saying, “I can give out faulty loans.” I’m the judgmental asshole though, and he’s the nice guy who gave us a free whiskey sour, 4 straws. My mom immediately dug right in and claimed it to be a health drink. And really, in South East Houston it kind of is.

The bartender bragged about his ability to make a whiskey sour and I stifled my snobby comments. But seriously, you’re a bartender. That’s like a cop saying, “I can give speeding tickets.” That’s like a nurse saying, “I can take your blood pressure.” That’s like a banker saying, “I can give out faulty loans.” I’m the judgmental asshole though, and he’s the nice guy who gave us a free whiskey sour, 4 straws. My mom immediately dug right in and claimed it to be a health drink. And really, in South East Houston it kind of is.

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29th Dec 2011 | Nº 4
Old high school friends suggested this crappy bar as old high school friends are wont to do and when we got there my mind, it was blown. There are only two people up at that stage ROCKING OUT, dancing and screaming and throwing their hands in the air for an awful, horrible, 80’s metal cover band. So I’m watching these two hardcore individuals and I’m laughing as the band leader urges all the “hot rocker chicks” to the front and I’m thinking, this is what people do with their lives. They rock out to crappy cover bands. Like, this is their night. I couldn’t get off this thought. It was as if I’d smoked pot and got all smart or something. Then my friend points out that only the lead singer is sporting his real hair, the rest all wearing wigs. And I thought, That lead singer thinks he’s a real rock star. That lead singer has a day job, but probably brushes back his blonde locks while telling his coworkers about his ability to cover Def Leopard like a champ. Then this band said all this homophobic shit so we moved to the other room where they were blasting Pit Bull.

Old high school friends suggested this crappy bar as old high school friends are wont to do and when we got there my mind, it was blown. There are only two people up at that stage ROCKING OUT, dancing and screaming and throwing their hands in the air for an awful, horrible, 80’s metal cover band. So I’m watching these two hardcore individuals and I’m laughing as the band leader urges all the “hot rocker chicks” to the front and I’m thinking, this is what people do with their lives. They rock out to crappy cover bands. Like, this is their night. I couldn’t get off this thought. It was as if I’d smoked pot and got all smart or something. Then my friend points out that only the lead singer is sporting his real hair, the rest all wearing wigs. And I thought, That lead singer thinks he’s a real rock star. That lead singer has a day job, but probably brushes back his blonde locks while telling his coworkers about his ability to cover Def Leopard like a champ. Then this band said all this homophobic shit so we moved to the other room where they were blasting Pit Bull.

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Remember that one drink? That was a good one.