It's all downhill from here...
OK. If you bought this you are a stupid idiotic moron with horrible money management skills.* If you need corks to fill vases just call me. I’ve got wine corks falling out of closets over here. (Hey, one day I may wake up a crafter). *I’m really sorry for calling you a stupid idiotic moron with horrible money management skills, but I think you can do better for yourself. Because what sort of person wakes up and says “I really need to liven up the joint. I hate wine or else I’d already have plenty of corks falling out of closets, but I do want to at least look like a total wino.” What genius working for Target thought that this person exists? And, ahem, where can I sign up for the position of collecting the corks? That just involves chugging wine all day, right?

OK. If you bought this you are a stupid idiotic moron with horrible money management skills.* If you need corks to fill vases just call me. I’ve got wine corks falling out of closets over here. (Hey, one day I may wake up a crafter).

*I’m really sorry for calling you a stupid idiotic moron with horrible money management skills, but I think you can do better for yourself. Because what sort of person wakes up and says “I really need to liven up the joint. I hate wine or else I’d already have plenty of corks falling out of closets, but I do want to at least look like a total wino.” What genius working for Target thought that this person exists? And, ahem, where can I sign up for the position of collecting the corks? That just involves chugging wine all day, right?

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14th Jan 2012 | Nº 8
Taken at a cafe that Yelp reviewers call “hipster,” despite the fact that all the waiters look like my mom who is decidedly not hipster. The kid seated at the table next to me wore his menu on his head as a hat and spoke eloquently about the current state of technology. The group of girls nearby dropped their jaws as one moaned “that bitchy salesclerk only showed me the green bridesmaid dress. I learned later they had black.” Then one declared “OMG he got a cinnamon roll even though he knows I hate them.”

Taken at a cafe that Yelp reviewers call “hipster,” despite the fact that all the waiters look like my mom who is decidedly not hipster. The kid seated at the table next to me wore his menu on his head as a hat and spoke eloquently about the current state of technology. The group of girls nearby dropped their jaws as one moaned “that bitchy salesclerk only showed me the green bridesmaid dress. I learned later they had black.” Then one declared “OMG he got a cinnamon roll even though he knows I hate them.”

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13th Jan 2012 | Nº 19

You guys! Wine won’t make us younger or keep our hearts healthy or replace the elliptical machine (sigh). Some wine researcher guy lied and fudged his numbers and if nosy goody goodies hadn’t gotten all up in his business we could continue to live happily in denial. But no. There’s always some kill joy in your science class who says your research needs to include more than drinking wine and then drunkenly inputting data to support your heavy wine consumption. Thanks, a lot, for ruining the party. In the meantime I guess we have to agree that wine does nothing more than make us happy and giddy and willing to tell strangers that we love them. Time to start a new study: Wine Ends War.

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11th Jan 2012 | Nº 1
This wine is pronounced Eee-yor-ee-tee-ko. At least that’s what I scrawled down on an old movie ticket stub (Julie and Julia. I don’t clean my purse often). Every year I get to go home and visit family in La Porte, Texas, a beautiful bay side town with views that include smoke stacks and refineries and pick up trucks bearing dangling balls. Meanwhile, I have two friends who are Greek and get to go visit family in fucking Greece. Life is so unfair, but at least they bring me bottles of wine. I’d bring them a souvenir but they’re not yet interested in dangling balls.

This wine is pronounced Eee-yor-ee-tee-ko. At least that’s what I scrawled down on an old movie ticket stub (Julie and Julia. I don’t clean my purse often). Every year I get to go home and visit family in La Porte, Texas, a beautiful bay side town with views that include smoke stacks and refineries and pick up trucks bearing dangling balls. Meanwhile, I have two friends who are Greek and get to go visit family in fucking Greece. Life is so unfair, but at least they bring me bottles of wine. I’d bring them a souvenir but they’re not yet interested in dangling balls.

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9th Jan 2012 | Nº 2
Whiskey cranberry, whiskey coke and whiskey rocks. Bitches be crazy.

Whiskey cranberry, whiskey coke and whiskey rocks. Bitches be crazy.

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Remember that one drink? That was a good one.